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Fakta,Ternyata Pria Lebih Romantis dari Wanita

Dalam film No Strings Attached yang dibintangi Ashton Kutcher dan Natalie Portman, dikisahkan bagaimana tokoh Adam muncul di kantor kekasihnya, Emma, dengan membawa balon. Hal ini ternyata membuat berang Emma, karena menganggap Adam melanggar perjanjian bahwa mereka tidak akan memperlihatkan hubungan mereka di depan orang lain.
Hal ini ternyata bukan sekadar menjadi adegan khas komedi situasi. Dr Terry Orbuch, psikolog sosial yang telah memelajari 373 pasangan menikah selama 24 tahun, mengatakan bahwa kejadian tersebut didasari fakta bahwa pria lebih romantis daripada wanita.

Ketika mewawancarai pasangan-pasangan tersebut, Orbuch mendapati bahwa para suami cenderung menggambarkan istri mereka dalam istilah-istilah romantis tradisional, sedangkan para istri berbicara lebih praktis mengenai hubungan mereka.

“Waktu kami meminta para suami untuk menceritakan bagaimana awal pertemuan mereka dengan istri-istri mereka, kisah mereka lebih dibumbui secara romantis," kata Orbuch, yang memaparkan hasil penelitiannya dalam buku 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. "Mereka bercerita bagaimana mereka terpesona, jatuh cinta luar biasa; dan mereka menggunakan istilah-istilah seperti 'belahan jiwa' dan 'cinta pada pandangan pertama'. Bertentangan dengan hal tersebut, perempuan bercerita bagaimana mereka berhati-hati pada pasangannya ketika pertama kali berhubungan, dan menjaga agar mereka tidak terburu-buru mendekatkan diri."
Pernyataan cinta juga muncul dalam sikap. Meskipun sikap romantis ini berbeda-beda antara pasangan satu dan yang lainnya, namun menurut Orbuch pria cenderung menjunjung tinggi keyakinan dalam dongeng seperti "bahagia selamanya" daripada wanita.
Hasil penelitian ini rupanya sejalan dengan hasil survei terhadap 21.000 pria dan wanita yang dilakukan situs Queendom. Saat merespons pertanyaan soal cinta, pria lebih romantis dalam menggambarkannya, dengan menggunakan ekspresi yang cenderung dihindari kaum perempuan seperti "takdir" atau "cinta menaklukkan segalanya". Hal ini cukup mengejutkan, karena, "Kebanyakan pria cenderung dinilai tidak romantis. Namun Anda harus memahami mengapa bisa begitu, untuk menghargai mereka," tutur pemimpin studi, Ilona Jerabek, PhD.

Bahwa pria tidak romantis, sedikit banyak hal ini dipengaruhi oleh tradisi. Pujian tergolong sulit mereka dapat, dan pembicaraan mengenai perasaan hati yang terdalam juga tidak biasa dilakukan. “Pria tidak mendapatkan afirmasi dari teman-teman dan keluarga dalam jumlah yang sama dengan yang didapat wanita," jelas Orbuch. "Mereka bergantung pada feedback positif yang mereka dapat dalam relasi dengan pasangan untuk kesejahteraan mental mereka secara keseluruhan."

Sebuah studi dari profesor Wake Forest Psychology bahkan mengatakan bahwa kaum pria mereka lebih bugar saat berada dalam hubungan. Hal ini bisa menjelaskan mengapa mereka cenderung memuji pasangan mereka sebagai belahan jiwa, sebab kebutuhan emosional dan fisik yang sulit mereka dapat akhirnya terpenuhi.
Teori lain juga muncul, berkaitan mengenai kepercayaan pria pada cinta pandangan pertama dan cepat jatuh cinta. Hal ini dikarenakan otak mereka mampu bereaksi lebih cepat terhadap isyarat-isyarat visual tertentu. Dalam scanningMRI, terlihat bahwa area otak yang mengontrol emosi pada wanita cenderung kurang aktif, ketika diperlihatkan isyarat visual yang sama. Dengan kata lain, ketika melihat sesuatu yang mereka sukai, wanita menanggapinya dengan sikap kehati-hatian. 

Nah, lalu, jika pria memang begitu romantis, mengapa mereka mendapatkan reaksi yang sebaliknya? Menurut para peneliti, hal ini lebih disebabkan salah pengertian. "Perempuan lebih bereaksi terhadap kata-kata, sehingga mereka ingin pasangannya menyatakan perasaannya berulangkali," kata Orbuch. "Sedangkan pria bereaksi terhadap perilaku, sehingga mereka cenderung menunjukkan perasaan melalui perilaku. Akibatnya, ya, enggak nyambung."

Untuk mengantisipasi hal ini, Orbuch menyarankan para pasangan untuk memahami batasan-batasan dan kebutuhan gender mereka. Perempuan bisa bilang "I love you", tapi pria lebih suka mengekspresikan ketiga kata tersebut dengan menjemput pasangannya dari kantor, atau menemani belanja. Kalau sudah begini, kan tidak ada lagi yang sakit hati karena merasa tidak diperhatikan.